"Is it such a fast that I have chosen? a day for a man to afflict his soul? is it to bow down his head as a bulrush, and to spread sackcloth and ashes under him? wilt thou call this a fast, and an acceptable day to the Lord?
Is not this the fast that I have chosen? to loose the bands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed go free, and that ye break every yoke?
Is it not to deal thy bread to the hungry, and that thou bring the poor that are cast out to thy house? when thou seest the naked, that thou cover him; and that thou hide not thyself from thine own flesh?
Then shall thy light break forth as the morning, and thine health shall spring forth speedily: and thy righteousness shall go before thee; the glory of the Lord shall be thy reward.
Then shalt thou call, and the Lord shall answer; thou shalt cry, and he shall say, Here I am. If thou take away from the midst of thee the yoke, the putting forth of the finger, and speaking vanity;
And if thou draw out thy soul to the hungry, and satisfy the afflicted soul; then shall thy light rise in obscurity, and thy darkness be as the noonday:
And the Lord shall guide thee continually, and satisfy thy soul in drought, and make fat thy bones: and thou shalt be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters fail not." ~Isaiah 58:511
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Saturday, June 29, 2013
I said I do
I spent some time this afternoon cleaning and organizing, and tackling the huge project of going through my old trunk full of keepsakes and memories. I ran across my huge stacks of writings, including the 10+ journals that I've filled throughout my life. As I shuffled through the seemingly never-ending piles of tattered papers and books, some inspiration came to me -- inspiration I've awaited for quite a while now.
And all of a sudden, I wanted to write again. And I knew what to start with.
So I abandoned my project (it can wait), and made my way to my laptop.
Now my fingers are flying.
And I'm on a roll.
And I'm happy. So happy.
I really believe writing is my strongest, most effective form of communication. Sure, I can talk. But it doesn't come out the same. When I really need to communicate something from the bottom of my heart, no matter who I'm talking to or what I'm saying, I write it.
Over the last year or so, I really lost my zeal for writing -- and that made me really sad. I felt like I had lost a precious gift that couldn't be replaced. I would try; I really would. I wanted to. But the words just wouldn't come.
Thank You, Jesus, for giving this gift back to me.
Writing is returning to my heart. Which causes it to return to my head. Which causes it to return to my fingers.
Which causes it to return to my blog. :)
As some of you may know, I've gone through some pretty major life changes over the past year. I met an amazing, handsome man online not too long ago, and he asked if we could meet on Skype. I said yes.
My life hasn't been the same ever since!
After we met on Skype, he asked me if I wanted to meet in person. I said yes.
Not too long after we met in person, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes.
Not too long after he asked me to be his girlfriend, and I said yes, he asked me to be his wife.
I said yes.
Not too long after he asked me to be his wife, and I said yes, our wedding officiant asked me if I promised to love, serve and cherish this man until death do us part. I said, "I do."
My life has changed. For better or for worse, for richer or poorer. Yes, until death do us part. Praise the Lord! I'm in love. :)
And all of a sudden, I wanted to write again. And I knew what to start with.
So I abandoned my project (it can wait), and made my way to my laptop.
Now my fingers are flying.
And I'm on a roll.
And I'm happy. So happy.
I really believe writing is my strongest, most effective form of communication. Sure, I can talk. But it doesn't come out the same. When I really need to communicate something from the bottom of my heart, no matter who I'm talking to or what I'm saying, I write it.
Over the last year or so, I really lost my zeal for writing -- and that made me really sad. I felt like I had lost a precious gift that couldn't be replaced. I would try; I really would. I wanted to. But the words just wouldn't come.
Thank You, Jesus, for giving this gift back to me.
Writing is returning to my heart. Which causes it to return to my head. Which causes it to return to my fingers.
Which causes it to return to my blog. :)
As some of you may know, I've gone through some pretty major life changes over the past year. I met an amazing, handsome man online not too long ago, and he asked if we could meet on Skype. I said yes.
My life hasn't been the same ever since!
After we met on Skype, he asked me if I wanted to meet in person. I said yes.
Not too long after we met in person, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes.
Not too long after he asked me to be his girlfriend, and I said yes, he asked me to be his wife.
I said yes.
Not too long after he asked me to be his wife, and I said yes, our wedding officiant asked me if I promised to love, serve and cherish this man until death do us part. I said, "I do."
My life has changed. For better or for worse, for richer or poorer. Yes, until death do us part. Praise the Lord! I'm in love. :)
Monday, December 31, 2012
Thoughts to ponder, at both the close and the beginning of a year...
"Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity, or registering wrongs. We are, and must be, one and all, burdened with faults in this world: but the time will soon come when, I trust, we shall put them off in putting off our corruptible bodies; when debasement and sin will fall from us with this cumbrous frame of flesh, and only the spark of the spirit will remain -- the impalpable principle of life and thought, pure as when it left the Creator to inspire the creature; whence it came it will return, perhaps again to be communicated to some being higher than man -- perhaps to pass through gradations of glory, from the pale human soul to brighten to the seraph! Surely it will never, on the contrary, be suffered to degenerate from man to fiend? No, I cannot believe that: I hold another creed, which no one ever taught me, and which I seldom mention, but in which I delight, and to which I cling, for it extends hope to all; it makes eternity a rest -- a mighty home -- not a terror and an abyss. Besides, with this creed, I can so clearly distinguish between the criminal and his crime, I can so sincerely forgive the first while I abhor the last; with this creed, revenge never worries my heart, degradation never too deeply disgusts me, injustice never crushes me too low; I live in calm, looking to the end."
--Jane Eyre, Charlotte Bronte
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Living for Him?
Am I living my life for His glory?
That is one of many questions that have been bouncing through my head as of late. And when I say bouncing, I don't mean a slow, rhythmic bouncing up and down, up and down. I mean bouncing off the walls kinda bouncing. Tumbling, rumbling, cuttin' the rug, tearing through. Hyper -- like just-drank-five-espresso's kinda hyper. The kinda thoughts that won't let you rest. Won't let you read. Won't let you write. Won't let you sleep. Won't let you even sit still half the time. Yeah, that's me lately.
I am grieved.
Am I living my life for His glory?
Theoretically, I may be. But, pratically -- tangibly -- nuh-uh. I know the answer. And the answer is a big, fat NO.
And that makes me sick.
I know we as human beings can't expect perfection from ourselves. At least, not on our own strength. But I know that through the strength of the Lord, there is a lot more I could be doing. A lot more I could be dedicating to Him: of my life, my time, my money, my energy, my attention, my LOVE. Most importantly, my love.
I need His strength and His wisdom, an outpouring of His Spirit. I need Him. The flame in my heart needs re-kindling...and I'm trusting Him to take care of that.
I live for myself. That is a fact. As humans, we all do to one degree or another. But speaking for me -- I am SPOILED. Spoiled rotten. Comfortable. Pampered. Sleek and lazy in my spirit, like a fat cat napping in the sunshine. I think about me all day long -- how to pleasure myself and my pathetic flesh. Being too hard on myself, you say? I think not.
I am still searching for wisdom, and especially for balance, in all areas of my life.
I know that I personally have a tendency to see everything as either black or white. I have a hard time understanding the concept of gray areas. Which is good, in a way -- but it also can present some stumbling blocks.
I am very prone to treading the path of legalism. At the same time, however, if I don't completely understand something that I believe God requires, I can tend to flat-out rebel against it because I can't find a balance.
So I am usually going extremely one way or extremely the other.
It's frustrating, to say the least.
I'm trying to learn to take it one step at a time, one day at a time -- one moment at a time. To obey Him as far as I understand, and accept His grace when I veer off the way (in either direction). I don't completely understand grace at this point in my life. I'm trying to. I want to. And I know that He will be faithful to reveal it to me as He so desires. But in the meantime, it does make some things in life life rather confusing.
Anyway, back to my beginning point.
I think it's safe to say, I don't understand sacrifice. I don't understand what it is to die to myself, to live for others -- and most importantly, to live for God. Frankly, I think there is a very small percentage of people who truly do understand these things. Oh, Father in Heaven, let me be one of them. That is my heart's desire...
I want to know His love in a way like never before, and share His love like never before. I want Him to show me where He wants me to place my love. Where He's asking me to pour it out. What He would do with it. I don't want to love me anymore. I want to love HIM!
Just some thoughts.
That is one of many questions that have been bouncing through my head as of late. And when I say bouncing, I don't mean a slow, rhythmic bouncing up and down, up and down. I mean bouncing off the walls kinda bouncing. Tumbling, rumbling, cuttin' the rug, tearing through. Hyper -- like just-drank-five-espresso's kinda hyper. The kinda thoughts that won't let you rest. Won't let you read. Won't let you write. Won't let you sleep. Won't let you even sit still half the time. Yeah, that's me lately.
I am grieved.
Am I living my life for His glory?
Theoretically, I may be. But, pratically -- tangibly -- nuh-uh. I know the answer. And the answer is a big, fat NO.
And that makes me sick.
I know we as human beings can't expect perfection from ourselves. At least, not on our own strength. But I know that through the strength of the Lord, there is a lot more I could be doing. A lot more I could be dedicating to Him: of my life, my time, my money, my energy, my attention, my LOVE. Most importantly, my love.
I need His strength and His wisdom, an outpouring of His Spirit. I need Him. The flame in my heart needs re-kindling...and I'm trusting Him to take care of that.
I live for myself. That is a fact. As humans, we all do to one degree or another. But speaking for me -- I am SPOILED. Spoiled rotten. Comfortable. Pampered. Sleek and lazy in my spirit, like a fat cat napping in the sunshine. I think about me all day long -- how to pleasure myself and my pathetic flesh. Being too hard on myself, you say? I think not.
I am still searching for wisdom, and especially for balance, in all areas of my life.
I know that I personally have a tendency to see everything as either black or white. I have a hard time understanding the concept of gray areas. Which is good, in a way -- but it also can present some stumbling blocks.
I am very prone to treading the path of legalism. At the same time, however, if I don't completely understand something that I believe God requires, I can tend to flat-out rebel against it because I can't find a balance.
So I am usually going extremely one way or extremely the other.
It's frustrating, to say the least.
I'm trying to learn to take it one step at a time, one day at a time -- one moment at a time. To obey Him as far as I understand, and accept His grace when I veer off the way (in either direction). I don't completely understand grace at this point in my life. I'm trying to. I want to. And I know that He will be faithful to reveal it to me as He so desires. But in the meantime, it does make some things in life life rather confusing.
Anyway, back to my beginning point.
I think it's safe to say, I don't understand sacrifice. I don't understand what it is to die to myself, to live for others -- and most importantly, to live for God. Frankly, I think there is a very small percentage of people who truly do understand these things. Oh, Father in Heaven, let me be one of them. That is my heart's desire...
I want to know His love in a way like never before, and share His love like never before. I want Him to show me where He wants me to place my love. Where He's asking me to pour it out. What He would do with it. I don't want to love me anymore. I want to love HIM!
Just some thoughts.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
It's been a long time!
WOW.
Wow! Wow. Wow, wow, wow. Wow!
I can't believe it's been a year since the last time I've posted!
I've started numerous posts, especially in the last couple of months...but the time has just never seemed right. I haven't been able to share everything on my heart the way I've wanted to. And I still can't, exactly. But I would like to at least share a little bit of what's been on my mind lately and what's been happening in my life -- if for no other reason, to make some people, that I haven't had a chance to keep up with on a week-by-week or month-by-month basis, aware of where I'm at and what I'm doing.
It would be a complete understatement for me to declare that a lot has happened in one year.
It goes way further than that.
In a multitude of ways, and for a plethora of reasons -- I am literally not the same person I was last year. I'm just not. It's a whole new day, and a whole new game...God has done things in my heart in the past 365 days that I couldn't have even imagined. And yet, He always has been and always will be so far beyond what our finite imaginations can conjure up, yes? Yes. He is. He really is...
Things have happened in my life, in my heart, in my family...nothing is as it was. Except for God. Only He has been sure, steadfast, and unchanging.
And even then -- no, He hasn't changed. But my perspective of Him certainly has. I have never seen God or understood Him to be as I do now. I'm not even sure what was "wrong" with my previous perspective. But I know it's changed now...I see Him with a degree of reverence and Godly fear and awe that I never knew existed. He is not "just God" to me anymore...He is the Creator of heaven and earth, of things I don't even understand...He is Lord of all, of every thought and life and joy and sorrow. He knows all, He is everywhere, and He can do anything. There aren't even words fit to describe Him. He is GOD! What else is there to compare Him to?
Praise His Name!
At any rate, I have much along those lines to share -- but in the meantime, I'd like for you all to know what I'm doing right now...why I'm so busy, and have a glimpse of what's happening in my life (on the outside, anyway [smile]).
I have spent much of the last two months (and all of the last 2-1/2 weeks) with a family located approximately 2-1/2 hours northwest of us. They are dear friends of ours...we have known them for quite a few years now! Currently, the mama of the family is very soon due with her 8th child (and her oldest is only 13!), and they are needing some help right about now. :) It's been a joy spending time with them...I love this family! <3
So, yes. I am busier than...than...well, than I ever have been! :) There is always someone needing something -- a dispute to resolve, an owie to bandage (or kiss!), a story to be read, a game to be played, a meal to be made, an area to be cleaned, a kiddo to cuddle, a conversation to have, confidence to build up, baths to be taken, promises to keep...and in the meantime, the great outdoors and the spring air and the sunshine are SCREAMING our names! :) (That has been wonderful indeed!)
So for those of you who are wishing I'd have a bit more time to spend with you in some way (you know who you are) -- please know, I miss you big time too and I truly want to spend time with you. But right now, I have to have priorities. I know you understand, and are gracious about it...but I want you to know I am NOT putting you off. I am truly so busy most of the time, I hardly have a moment to breathe! :) Though that poses its challenges, it is also truly a delight -- not to mention excellent practice for whatever other callings life and the Lord may bring.
So between all the extreme busy-ness of my day-to-day life right now, a large chunk of the little spare time I have is eaten up by "inside work" -- things the Lord is doing, miraculously, wondrously, beautifully and mightily in my heart. And in the larger scheme of things, this IS the most important thing in my life right now -- this needs to be (and most of the time, I hope and believe it is) my very top priority, above all others. More on that later!
So while I love all my friends dearly, and I miss you all too!, I am in a season of life right now that does not allow for much free time to laugh and chat and "catch up". I am praying for each of you, though! I love you TONS!
(Also, I forgot to mention -- another thing that has kept me on my toes [or off of them!] has been sickness. All of the children, except for one, in the family I'm helping out [the Christenson family] have come down with strep throat in the last week or so, and so that was pretty hectic for a bit! But this winter has been a really rough one for me as far as health. I have been sick over a dozen times in the last few months, with a couple episodes being very severe. This too has added to my list of things that had to be backed up and postponed, etc.)
So, all in all -- God is working in a huge way, and I am excited and content with where He has me right now. Much has changed, and I'm sure there will be much more to change as time flies by. But now y'all have a little taste of what's been keepin' me -- umm -- BUSY!!! :)
Don't forget -- you're in my prayers. And I covet yours as well.
Blessings to each and every one of you, in the Name of Jesus Christ.
Wow! Wow. Wow, wow, wow. Wow!
I can't believe it's been a year since the last time I've posted!
I've started numerous posts, especially in the last couple of months...but the time has just never seemed right. I haven't been able to share everything on my heart the way I've wanted to. And I still can't, exactly. But I would like to at least share a little bit of what's been on my mind lately and what's been happening in my life -- if for no other reason, to make some people, that I haven't had a chance to keep up with on a week-by-week or month-by-month basis, aware of where I'm at and what I'm doing.
It would be a complete understatement for me to declare that a lot has happened in one year.
It goes way further than that.
In a multitude of ways, and for a plethora of reasons -- I am literally not the same person I was last year. I'm just not. It's a whole new day, and a whole new game...God has done things in my heart in the past 365 days that I couldn't have even imagined. And yet, He always has been and always will be so far beyond what our finite imaginations can conjure up, yes? Yes. He is. He really is...
Things have happened in my life, in my heart, in my family...nothing is as it was. Except for God. Only He has been sure, steadfast, and unchanging.
And even then -- no, He hasn't changed. But my perspective of Him certainly has. I have never seen God or understood Him to be as I do now. I'm not even sure what was "wrong" with my previous perspective. But I know it's changed now...I see Him with a degree of reverence and Godly fear and awe that I never knew existed. He is not "just God" to me anymore...He is the Creator of heaven and earth, of things I don't even understand...He is Lord of all, of every thought and life and joy and sorrow. He knows all, He is everywhere, and He can do anything. There aren't even words fit to describe Him. He is GOD! What else is there to compare Him to?
Praise His Name!
At any rate, I have much along those lines to share -- but in the meantime, I'd like for you all to know what I'm doing right now...why I'm so busy, and have a glimpse of what's happening in my life (on the outside, anyway [smile]).
I have spent much of the last two months (and all of the last 2-1/2 weeks) with a family located approximately 2-1/2 hours northwest of us. They are dear friends of ours...we have known them for quite a few years now! Currently, the mama of the family is very soon due with her 8th child (and her oldest is only 13!), and they are needing some help right about now. :) It's been a joy spending time with them...I love this family! <3
So, yes. I am busier than...than...well, than I ever have been! :) There is always someone needing something -- a dispute to resolve, an owie to bandage (or kiss!), a story to be read, a game to be played, a meal to be made, an area to be cleaned, a kiddo to cuddle, a conversation to have, confidence to build up, baths to be taken, promises to keep...and in the meantime, the great outdoors and the spring air and the sunshine are SCREAMING our names! :) (That has been wonderful indeed!)
So for those of you who are wishing I'd have a bit more time to spend with you in some way (you know who you are) -- please know, I miss you big time too and I truly want to spend time with you. But right now, I have to have priorities. I know you understand, and are gracious about it...but I want you to know I am NOT putting you off. I am truly so busy most of the time, I hardly have a moment to breathe! :) Though that poses its challenges, it is also truly a delight -- not to mention excellent practice for whatever other callings life and the Lord may bring.
So between all the extreme busy-ness of my day-to-day life right now, a large chunk of the little spare time I have is eaten up by "inside work" -- things the Lord is doing, miraculously, wondrously, beautifully and mightily in my heart. And in the larger scheme of things, this IS the most important thing in my life right now -- this needs to be (and most of the time, I hope and believe it is) my very top priority, above all others. More on that later!
So while I love all my friends dearly, and I miss you all too!, I am in a season of life right now that does not allow for much free time to laugh and chat and "catch up". I am praying for each of you, though! I love you TONS!
(Also, I forgot to mention -- another thing that has kept me on my toes [or off of them!] has been sickness. All of the children, except for one, in the family I'm helping out [the Christenson family] have come down with strep throat in the last week or so, and so that was pretty hectic for a bit! But this winter has been a really rough one for me as far as health. I have been sick over a dozen times in the last few months, with a couple episodes being very severe. This too has added to my list of things that had to be backed up and postponed, etc.)
So, all in all -- God is working in a huge way, and I am excited and content with where He has me right now. Much has changed, and I'm sure there will be much more to change as time flies by. But now y'all have a little taste of what's been keepin' me -- umm -- BUSY!!! :)
Don't forget -- you're in my prayers. And I covet yours as well.
Blessings to each and every one of you, in the Name of Jesus Christ.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Revolution
Recently something came to me...something that I believe with my whole heart was a very much-needed insight from the Lord.
According to what He showed me, I've decided to revolutionize my whole concept of blogging. No, I'm not dillusionally thinking that it's an original concept...far from it! But the Lord has been showing me SO much lately, and He's in the process of bringing me through what I believe has been the deepest, darkest, most emotional time of my entire life. At least, the deepest, darkest emotional time I've ever been in touch with.
When traumatic things happen in a person's life, it is so incredibly easy to just stuff it all down inside and not let yourself be in touch with the reality of what has been done to you. I lived that way for most of my life...and I'm ready to be done with it!
By God's grace, I'm making a total U-turn in every sense of the word -- and in every area.
I've been chugging down the road of denial and pretense...numbness, really...and only recently have I been making the choice to turn wholeheartedly from that way of living, and run breathlessly for Truth and Light.
I've made a lot of stupid mistakes in my life...I've made horrible choices. And so has everybody else.
The sad thing is, the ripple effect of everybody's horrible choices reaches farther than they'd ever know, -- believe me when I say this: I've been bowled over by some pretty big ripples myself.
I know I've sent out some damaging ripples, too. I'm terribly grieved by that...and while I know, inevitably, I will make more bad choices along the journey, now I'm turning to the Lord for help to overcome the enormous pressure all the bad choices puts on me every day. And He is holding me up with His strength.
The awesome part is this -- the more good choices that are made, the easier it becomes to choose the good! How's that for a deal?! :) The Lord's ways are so incredible!
At any rate...back to my original point: I've decided to revolutionize my whole concept of blogging.
Truth and reality are the ONLY way to go in this life...in every relationship and every dealing...whether we're dealing with ourselves or with others. I've had to learn this lesson the hard way. But finally -- finally -- I'm beginning to learn it. Note that I said beginning..that's the truth! I am just beginning! I'm not very far along...I know for a fact that the Lord has lots of things yet to reveal to me about myself...all the subtle untruths/misleadings I have the tendency to give off without even knowing it. The human mind is SUCH a complicated thing, and it can play the dirtiest tricks on you. Like God says, in Jeremiah 17:9: "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?"
That tells me that no matter how "far along" we think or believe we are on our spiritual journey -- when it really comes down to it, it doesn't matter a hill of beans. We have to be focused on the Lord, and we have to be completely and totally open to His voice speaking to our hearts and convicting us of sin in our lives...or we are never going to get anywhere.
And I'm absolutely not claiming to be, at this time, completely focused on the Lord, completely and totally open to His voice. He's still got a loooooooot of work to do on me, -- BUT my heart's deepest desire IS to be those things. I believe I've come far in a short period of time. But I know I still got a lot of stuff to see.
I'm really thankful for everything He's doing...even when it hurts. I'm really thankful.
Coz if we never go through the fires of affliction, we are never going to glorify God with our lives in any way. And that's what I want to do, from the depths of my heart. And on top of that, we're going to live some kind of zombie pseudo-life with no real depth of meaning or purpose. And what kind of life is that? None.
So all that to say this: I have a lot of heavy things on my heart, and I feel compelled by the Lord to share them. I'm not going to mince words anymore. I'm not going to pretend anything anymore, -- with as much understanding the Lord gives me in the face of each choice.
And no, I'm not going to be blogging only seriousness either. :)
As those that know me personally can testify: I'm big on silly light-heartedness, humor, entertainment, and just downright fun. But life's not all about that, and that's something I'm coming to realize more and more every day. We don't have that much time left...every day there are hundreds of souls pouring in through the gates of hell like sand through a crack.
And that is no laughing matter.
The Lord's principles say that we are responsible for what we see. Well, there are things that I'm seeing that I can't keep to myself any longer...I hear the Lord's call, and I'm ready to respond to it!
Lord, please be with me on this fresh, new journey I'm about to embark on...I need Your strength.
Coz I don't have any of my own.
According to what He showed me, I've decided to revolutionize my whole concept of blogging. No, I'm not dillusionally thinking that it's an original concept...far from it! But the Lord has been showing me SO much lately, and He's in the process of bringing me through what I believe has been the deepest, darkest, most emotional time of my entire life. At least, the deepest, darkest emotional time I've ever been in touch with.
When traumatic things happen in a person's life, it is so incredibly easy to just stuff it all down inside and not let yourself be in touch with the reality of what has been done to you. I lived that way for most of my life...and I'm ready to be done with it!
By God's grace, I'm making a total U-turn in every sense of the word -- and in every area.
I've been chugging down the road of denial and pretense...numbness, really...and only recently have I been making the choice to turn wholeheartedly from that way of living, and run breathlessly for Truth and Light.
I've made a lot of stupid mistakes in my life...I've made horrible choices. And so has everybody else.
The sad thing is, the ripple effect of everybody's horrible choices reaches farther than they'd ever know, -- believe me when I say this: I've been bowled over by some pretty big ripples myself.
I know I've sent out some damaging ripples, too. I'm terribly grieved by that...and while I know, inevitably, I will make more bad choices along the journey, now I'm turning to the Lord for help to overcome the enormous pressure all the bad choices puts on me every day. And He is holding me up with His strength.
The awesome part is this -- the more good choices that are made, the easier it becomes to choose the good! How's that for a deal?! :) The Lord's ways are so incredible!
At any rate...back to my original point: I've decided to revolutionize my whole concept of blogging.
Truth and reality are the ONLY way to go in this life...in every relationship and every dealing...whether we're dealing with ourselves or with others. I've had to learn this lesson the hard way. But finally -- finally -- I'm beginning to learn it. Note that I said beginning..that's the truth! I am just beginning! I'm not very far along...I know for a fact that the Lord has lots of things yet to reveal to me about myself...all the subtle untruths/misleadings I have the tendency to give off without even knowing it. The human mind is SUCH a complicated thing, and it can play the dirtiest tricks on you. Like God says, in Jeremiah 17:9: "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?"
That tells me that no matter how "far along" we think or believe we are on our spiritual journey -- when it really comes down to it, it doesn't matter a hill of beans. We have to be focused on the Lord, and we have to be completely and totally open to His voice speaking to our hearts and convicting us of sin in our lives...or we are never going to get anywhere.
And I'm absolutely not claiming to be, at this time, completely focused on the Lord, completely and totally open to His voice. He's still got a loooooooot of work to do on me, -- BUT my heart's deepest desire IS to be those things. I believe I've come far in a short period of time. But I know I still got a lot of stuff to see.
I'm really thankful for everything He's doing...even when it hurts. I'm really thankful.
Coz if we never go through the fires of affliction, we are never going to glorify God with our lives in any way. And that's what I want to do, from the depths of my heart. And on top of that, we're going to live some kind of zombie pseudo-life with no real depth of meaning or purpose. And what kind of life is that? None.
So all that to say this: I have a lot of heavy things on my heart, and I feel compelled by the Lord to share them. I'm not going to mince words anymore. I'm not going to pretend anything anymore, -- with as much understanding the Lord gives me in the face of each choice.
And no, I'm not going to be blogging only seriousness either. :)
As those that know me personally can testify: I'm big on silly light-heartedness, humor, entertainment, and just downright fun. But life's not all about that, and that's something I'm coming to realize more and more every day. We don't have that much time left...every day there are hundreds of souls pouring in through the gates of hell like sand through a crack.
And that is no laughing matter.
The Lord's principles say that we are responsible for what we see. Well, there are things that I'm seeing that I can't keep to myself any longer...I hear the Lord's call, and I'm ready to respond to it!
Lord, please be with me on this fresh, new journey I'm about to embark on...I need Your strength.
Coz I don't have any of my own.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
To My Readers, However Few Or Many They May Be!
Dear Readers of my Blog,
I want to be more faithful with my blogging. I don't like the fact that I'm not, and I'm working on remedying that.
For those of you that saw my blog as it was a few weeks ago, yes, I have changed it again.
I've been going through a lot of...how shall I say it...ups and downs lately, and have been dealing with some really stressful issues -- which, in turn, has caused me to be quite unable to settle on a balanced approach at my blogging.
One thing about me is that I feel very strongly about everything I say. If I say it, I mean it. And so I tried an approach to my writing -- a dark, very serious approach, which is how I was feeling at the time. But as I looked at my blog through objective eyes, I realized it was still yet unbalanced. I do have serious things on my heart, but an "overdose" of dark seriousness could -- at best, defeat the purpose. At worst, it could give people who don't yet know the truth of God's Word a really wrong impression.
Our God is a jealous God, and He is full of truth and reality, and doesn't mince His words. But He is also full of Light and Life -- Love and Creativity. He is the epitome of each of His attributes. And I believe that's how He calls us to live our lives out as well.
So yes, life is dark, heavy and serious -- but not every aspect of it.
Light-heartedness is most certainly not a sin. :)
And I've never felt that way...but in thinking further about the appearance of my blog, I decided that it just might come across that way to some people. And so I changed it. Again.
And I may change it even more in times to come. :) Ya'll will just have to bear with me...or do without me!
Life is real; life is earnest; and the grave is not its goal.
But truth is.
Love,
Noelle
I want to be more faithful with my blogging. I don't like the fact that I'm not, and I'm working on remedying that.
For those of you that saw my blog as it was a few weeks ago, yes, I have changed it again.
I've been going through a lot of...how shall I say it...ups and downs lately, and have been dealing with some really stressful issues -- which, in turn, has caused me to be quite unable to settle on a balanced approach at my blogging.
One thing about me is that I feel very strongly about everything I say. If I say it, I mean it. And so I tried an approach to my writing -- a dark, very serious approach, which is how I was feeling at the time. But as I looked at my blog through objective eyes, I realized it was still yet unbalanced. I do have serious things on my heart, but an "overdose" of dark seriousness could -- at best, defeat the purpose. At worst, it could give people who don't yet know the truth of God's Word a really wrong impression.
Our God is a jealous God, and He is full of truth and reality, and doesn't mince His words. But He is also full of Light and Life -- Love and Creativity. He is the epitome of each of His attributes. And I believe that's how He calls us to live our lives out as well.
So yes, life is dark, heavy and serious -- but not every aspect of it.
Light-heartedness is most certainly not a sin. :)
And I've never felt that way...but in thinking further about the appearance of my blog, I decided that it just might come across that way to some people. And so I changed it. Again.
And I may change it even more in times to come. :) Ya'll will just have to bear with me...or do without me!
Life is real; life is earnest; and the grave is not its goal.
But truth is.
Love,
Noelle
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
A quote that spoke to me tremendously, that I felt led to share...
"Morality is first an attitude, a way of viewing the self in relationship to the stimuli that assail us. Morality is the right choice in the face of choices that are immediately more fun. Morality is choosing principle and duty above thrill and laziness. Morality is love of truth; it is a pure heart; it is love, grace, mercy, patience, kindness, hard work, wisdom, faith, joy, thankfulness, and serving others. Morality is not the lack of certain acts of debauchery. It is the heart of God practiced in these bodies of flesh." --Michael Pearl
Thursday, July 15, 2010
So --
I don't know what's happened to me.
I used to blog so much...so often...so enthusiastically!
I still want to blog. I think about it quite often...but when I click new post I find myself staring for who knows how long at a blank box. A box with no words. A box with endless possibilities of words...but I just don't know which ones to use.
I am a very communicative person. I want to speak the Truth at all times. And I want to share my heart. I want to open myself up to others, and build relationships.
But then again, I'm also learning to be cautious. Part of this lifelong process of learning is learning how to build relationships -- healthy, blessed relationships that have the potential to last a lifetime. And I'm realizing the way to do that is to not always play all your cards at once.
When a person plays with fire, they get burned. Eventually, they learn that if they keep playing with fire, they keep getting burned. For some, it takes longer to learn this lesson than others. I'm beginning to. Yes, it's taken quite a while. Probably longer than it should have. But what can I say? Sometimes it takes a heck of a lot to get concepts through my thick head.
My heart is scarred.
Everybody's is. Some more than others, some less. I'm know my heart is more whole than a lot of people's. But it's also more damaged than others'. But I'm finally learning to stay away from the flames. At least, the ones that are not mine to be near.
And sometimes I overcompensate, and I don't share enough. Sometimes I still fall into my old patterns and share too much. But I believe, slowly, I'm getting to a point of balance. It's only the Lord's doing -- He gets ALL the credit and the glory. Because if it was just me, I can guarantee I'd do a lot more stupid things than I've already done. Praise the Lord He is faithful, He is true, He is my Shield, and He is my Balm of Gilead. He is LOVE. And I'm thankful beyond measure for that.
So all that to say...yeah, I would love to communicate more here on my little blog. But my heart, my life, my mind, everything in and about me is undergoing major construction right now...and a lot of times, it just leaves me a little bit quiet. I'll be back eventually.
Praise the Lord.
I used to blog so much...so often...so enthusiastically!
I still want to blog. I think about it quite often...but when I click new post I find myself staring for who knows how long at a blank box. A box with no words. A box with endless possibilities of words...but I just don't know which ones to use.
I am a very communicative person. I want to speak the Truth at all times. And I want to share my heart. I want to open myself up to others, and build relationships.
But then again, I'm also learning to be cautious. Part of this lifelong process of learning is learning how to build relationships -- healthy, blessed relationships that have the potential to last a lifetime. And I'm realizing the way to do that is to not always play all your cards at once.
When a person plays with fire, they get burned. Eventually, they learn that if they keep playing with fire, they keep getting burned. For some, it takes longer to learn this lesson than others. I'm beginning to. Yes, it's taken quite a while. Probably longer than it should have. But what can I say? Sometimes it takes a heck of a lot to get concepts through my thick head.
My heart is scarred.
Everybody's is. Some more than others, some less. I'm know my heart is more whole than a lot of people's. But it's also more damaged than others'. But I'm finally learning to stay away from the flames. At least, the ones that are not mine to be near.
And sometimes I overcompensate, and I don't share enough. Sometimes I still fall into my old patterns and share too much. But I believe, slowly, I'm getting to a point of balance. It's only the Lord's doing -- He gets ALL the credit and the glory. Because if it was just me, I can guarantee I'd do a lot more stupid things than I've already done. Praise the Lord He is faithful, He is true, He is my Shield, and He is my Balm of Gilead. He is LOVE. And I'm thankful beyond measure for that.
So all that to say...yeah, I would love to communicate more here on my little blog. But my heart, my life, my mind, everything in and about me is undergoing major construction right now...and a lot of times, it just leaves me a little bit quiet. I'll be back eventually.
Praise the Lord.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
:(
Hi Friends,
I know how sparse my posting has been lately and I really apologize. I'm trying to get back into the swing of frequent blogging -- but sometimes it's difficult...a lot going on in my life at this time. Winter was busy, and this spring is proving even busier. So I'll try to get back into somewhat regular posting...but for now, please just bear with me and be patient :)
Have a blessed week!
I know how sparse my posting has been lately and I really apologize. I'm trying to get back into the swing of frequent blogging -- but sometimes it's difficult...a lot going on in my life at this time. Winter was busy, and this spring is proving even busier. So I'll try to get back into somewhat regular posting...but for now, please just bear with me and be patient :)
Have a blessed week!
Saturday, March 20, 2010
I have seen the many faces of fear and of pain
I have watched the tears fall plenty from heartache and strain
So if life’s journey has you weary and afraid
There’s rest in the shadow of his wing.
I have watched the tears fall plenty from heartache and strain
So if life’s journey has you weary and afraid
There’s rest in the shadow of his wing.
I have walked through the valleys
the mountains and plains
I have held the hand of freedom that washes all my stains
If you feel weight of many trials ad burdens of this world
There’s freedom in the shelter of the Lord.
I have seen the healing hand of God
Reaching out and mending broken hearts
So taste and see the fullness of his peace
And hold on to what’s being held out
The healing hand of God.
I have touched the scars upon his hands to see if they were real
He has walked the road before me; He knows just how I feel
When you feel that there’s not anyone who understands your pain
Just remember all of Jesus’ suffering.
Cast all your cares on Him for he cares for you
He’s near to the broken and confused
By his stripes our spirit is renewed
So enter in the joy prepared for you...
I have seen the healing hand of God
Reaching out and mending broken hearts
So taste and see the fullness of his peace
And hold on to what’s being held out
The healing hand of God.
--Jeremy Camp
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Maintain a healthy level of insanity!
Something to think about in the New Year!
To maintain a healthy level of insanity:
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to Espresso.
5. In the Memo field of all your checks, write "For Marijuana".
6. Skip down the hall rather than walk and see how many looks you get.
7. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
8. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
9. Sing along at the opera.
10. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you have a headache.
11. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won! I won!"
12. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling, "Run for your lives! They're loose!"
And the thirteenth and final way to keep a healthy level of insanity:
Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
To maintain a healthy level of insanity:
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to Espresso.
5. In the Memo field of all your checks, write "For Marijuana".
6. Skip down the hall rather than walk and see how many looks you get.
7. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
8. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
9. Sing along at the opera.
10. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you have a headache.
11. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won! I won!"
12. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling, "Run for your lives! They're loose!"
And the thirteenth and final way to keep a healthy level of insanity:
Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Intimate with Jesus
"Once we get intimate with Jesus we are never lonely and we never lack for understanding or compassion. We can continually pour out our hearts to Him without being perceived as overly emotional or pitiful. The Christian who is truly intimate with Jesus will never draw attention to himself but will only show the evidence of a life where Jesus is completely in control. This is the outcome of allowing Jesus to satisfy every area of life to its depth. The picture resulting from such a life is that of the strong, calm balance that our Lord gives to those who are intimate with Him."
--Oswald Chambers
--Oswald Chambers
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Can I communicate?
Can I communicate? Can I speak my heart, can I share what is pressing? The things that cause my soul to overflow with pain and many tears of grief?
That's a good question. I wonder if I can. Can I put into words the things that ache in my heart? I challenge myself. Can I put them forth in such a way as to communicate their intensity in my innermost being? Can I express myself effectively using our most effete English language?
I want to. I need to. But can I? Can I?
This is the question that haunts me. Taunts me. Defies me, and dares me.
I've posted quite a few videos lately here on my blog -- posting them without a word of explanation or praise or...anything. I realize this, and I hope my silence doesn't communicate a wrong message -- one of harshness and judgement. It's not that. It's a heaviness of heart -- it's a...a season. A season of quietness and learning. The Lord is pruning me and preparing me to be a vessel fit for His use. And it's also a developing burden -- growing bigger and more all-consuming every day.
All the things that I share hold important meaning to me. Special meaning. They hit close to home, and my heart clings to their truths. But sometimes I don't have the correct words to express the concepts, feelings and ideas that they strike in my heart. So, feeling overwhelmed, I share these hard-core truths without explaining how they apply to me (and how I feel they apply to everybody!). Communication is a hard thing when your heart is sorting out tough issues. Especially when these tough issues mean so much.
Does anybody follow what I'm saying? Can anyone relate?
Friday, December 25, 2009
Two In A Manger
Two In A Manger
We were overseas for a short-term missions trip and it was nearing the holiday season, time for our orphans to hear, for the first time, the traditional story of Christmas. We told them about Mary and Joseph arriving in Bethlehem . Finding no room in the inn , the couple went to a stable, where the baby Jesus was born and placed in a manger.
Throughout the story, the children and orphanage staff sat in amazement as they listened. Some sat on the edges of their stools, trying to grasp every word. Completing the story, we gave the children three small pieces of cardboard to make a crude manger. Each child was given a small paper square, cut from yellow napkins I had brought with me. No colored paper was available in the city.
Following instructions, the children tore the paper and carefully laid trips in the manger for straw. Small squares of flannel were used for the baby's blanket a doll-like baby was cut from tan felt we brought from the United States.
The orphans were busy assembling their manger as I walked among them to see if they needed any help. All went well until I got to one table where a little boy sat. He looked to be about 6-years-old and had finished his project. I was startled to see not one, but two babies in the manger.
Quickly, I called for the translator to ask the lad why there were two babies in the manger. Crossing his arms in front of him and looking at this completed manger scene, the child began to repeat the story very seriously.
For such a young boy, who had only heard the Christmas story once, he related the happenings accurately -- until he came to the part where Mary put the baby Jesus in the manger. Then he started to ad-lib.
He made up his own ending to the story as he said, "And when Mary laid the baby in the manger, Jesus looked at me and asked me if I had a place to stay. I told him I have no mamma and I have no papa, so I don't have any place to stay.
"Then Jesus told me I could stay with Him. But I told him I couldn't, because I didn't have a gift to give Him like everybody else did. But I wanted to stay with Jesus so much, so I thought about what I had that maybe I could use for a gift. I thought maybe if I kept Him warm, that would be a good gift."
"So I asked Jesus, 'If I keep You warm, will that be a good enough gift?' And Jesus told me, 'If you keep Me warm, that will be the best gift anybody ever gave Me.' So I got into the manger, and then Jesus looked at me and He told me I could st ay with Him -- for always."
As he finished his story, his eyes brimmed full of tears that splashed down his little cheeks. Putting his hand over his face, his head dropped to the table and his shoulders shook as he sobbed and sobbed. The little orphan had found someone who would never abandon nor leave him, Someone who would stay with him -- for always!
And the Americans? They had learned the lesson they had come to teach --- that it is not what you have in life, but Who you have in your life, that really counts.
We were overseas for a short-term missions trip and it was nearing the holiday season, time for our orphans to hear, for the first time, the traditional story of Christmas. We told them about Mary and Joseph arriving in Bethlehem . Finding no room in the inn , the couple went to a stable, where the baby Jesus was born and placed in a manger.
Throughout the story, the children and orphanage staff sat in amazement as they listened. Some sat on the edges of their stools, trying to grasp every word. Completing the story, we gave the children three small pieces of cardboard to make a crude manger. Each child was given a small paper square, cut from yellow napkins I had brought with me. No colored paper was available in the city.
Following instructions, the children tore the paper and carefully laid trips in the manger for straw. Small squares of flannel were used for the baby's blanket a doll-like baby was cut from tan felt we brought from the United States.
The orphans were busy assembling their manger as I walked among them to see if they needed any help. All went well until I got to one table where a little boy sat. He looked to be about 6-years-old and had finished his project. I was startled to see not one, but two babies in the manger.
Quickly, I called for the translator to ask the lad why there were two babies in the manger. Crossing his arms in front of him and looking at this completed manger scene, the child began to repeat the story very seriously.
For such a young boy, who had only heard the Christmas story once, he related the happenings accurately -- until he came to the part where Mary put the baby Jesus in the manger. Then he started to ad-lib.
He made up his own ending to the story as he said, "And when Mary laid the baby in the manger, Jesus looked at me and asked me if I had a place to stay. I told him I have no mamma and I have no papa, so I don't have any place to stay.
"Then Jesus told me I could stay with Him. But I told him I couldn't, because I didn't have a gift to give Him like everybody else did. But I wanted to stay with Jesus so much, so I thought about what I had that maybe I could use for a gift. I thought maybe if I kept Him warm, that would be a good gift."
"So I asked Jesus, 'If I keep You warm, will that be a good enough gift?' And Jesus told me, 'If you keep Me warm, that will be the best gift anybody ever gave Me.' So I got into the manger, and then Jesus looked at me and He told me I could st ay with Him -- for always."
As he finished his story, his eyes brimmed full of tears that splashed down his little cheeks. Putting his hand over his face, his head dropped to the table and his shoulders shook as he sobbed and sobbed. The little orphan had found someone who would never abandon nor leave him, Someone who would stay with him -- for always!
And the Americans? They had learned the lesson they had come to teach --- that it is not what you have in life, but Who you have in your life, that really counts.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
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