Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Can I communicate?

Can I communicate? Can I speak my heart, can I share what is pressing? The things that cause my soul to overflow with pain and many tears of grief?

That's a good question. I wonder if I can. Can I put into words the things that ache in my heart? I challenge myself. Can I put them forth in such a way as to communicate their intensity in my innermost being? Can I express myself effectively using our most effete English language?

I want to. I need to. But can I? Can I?

This is the question that haunts me. Taunts me. Defies me, and dares me.

I've posted quite a few videos lately here on my blog -- posting them without a word of explanation or praise or...anything. I realize this, and I hope my silence doesn't communicate a wrong message -- one of harshness and judgement. It's not that. It's a heaviness of heart -- it's a...a season. A season of quietness and learning. The Lord is pruning me and preparing me to be a vessel fit for His use. And it's also a developing burden -- growing bigger and more all-consuming every day.

All the things that I share hold important meaning to me. Special meaning. They hit close to home, and my heart clings to their truths. But sometimes I don't have the correct words to express the concepts, feelings and ideas that they strike in my heart. So, feeling overwhelmed, I share these hard-core truths without explaining how they apply to me (and how I feel they apply to everybody!). Communication is a hard thing when your heart is sorting out tough issues. Especially when these tough issues mean so much.

Does anybody follow what I'm saying? Can anyone relate?

1 comment:

Linda N. said...

Yes, I can. Keep a journal, (if you don't already, but I'm assuming you do :)), and in a few years when you look back at what God has done, and see His perfect timing and Praise Him for His goodness, things will be clearer and you will see more of how the pieces fit together, and then you will have the words. :)
From someone who has been (or rather IS!) there!