Can I communicate? Can I speak my heart, can I share what is pressing? The things that cause my soul to overflow with pain and many tears of grief?
That's a good question. I wonder if I can. Can I put into words the things that ache in my heart? I challenge myself. Can I put them forth in such a way as to communicate their intensity in my innermost being? Can I express myself effectively using our most effete English language?
I want to. I need to. But can I? Can I?
This is the question that haunts me. Taunts me. Defies me, and dares me.
I've posted quite a few videos lately here on my blog -- posting them without a word of explanation or praise or...anything. I realize this, and I hope my silence doesn't communicate a wrong message -- one of harshness and judgement. It's not that. It's a heaviness of heart -- it's a...a season. A season of quietness and learning. The Lord is pruning me and preparing me to be a vessel fit for His use. And it's also a developing burden -- growing bigger and more all-consuming every day.
All the things that I share hold important meaning to me. Special meaning. They hit close to home, and my heart clings to their truths. But sometimes I don't have the correct words to express the concepts, feelings and ideas that they strike in my heart. So, feeling overwhelmed, I share these hard-core truths without explaining how they apply to me (and how I feel they apply to everybody!). Communication is a hard thing when your heart is sorting out tough issues. Especially when these tough issues mean so much.
Does anybody follow what I'm saying? Can anyone relate?