I don't know what's happened to me.
I used to blog so much...so often...so enthusiastically!
I still want to blog. I think about it quite often...but when I click new post I find myself staring for who knows how long at a blank box. A box with no words. A box with endless possibilities of words...but I just don't know which ones to use.
I am a very communicative person. I want to speak the Truth at all times. And I want to share my heart. I want to open myself up to others, and build relationships.
But then again, I'm also learning to be cautious. Part of this lifelong process of learning is learning how to build relationships -- healthy, blessed relationships that have the potential to last a lifetime. And I'm realizing the way to do that is to not always play all your cards at once.
When a person plays with fire, they get burned. Eventually, they learn that if they keep playing with fire, they keep getting burned. For some, it takes longer to learn this lesson than others. I'm beginning to. Yes, it's taken quite a while. Probably longer than it should have. But what can I say? Sometimes it takes a heck of a lot to get concepts through my thick head.
My heart is scarred.
Everybody's is. Some more than others, some less. I'm know my heart is more whole than a lot of people's. But it's also more damaged than others'. But I'm finally learning to stay away from the flames. At least, the ones that are not mine to be near.
And sometimes I overcompensate, and I don't share enough. Sometimes I still fall into my old patterns and share too much. But I believe, slowly, I'm getting to a point of balance. It's only the Lord's doing -- He gets ALL the credit and the glory. Because if it was just me, I can guarantee I'd do a lot more stupid things than I've already done. Praise the Lord He is faithful, He is true, He is my Shield, and He is my Balm of Gilead. He is LOVE. And I'm thankful beyond measure for that.
So all that to say...yeah, I would love to communicate more here on my little blog. But my heart, my life, my mind, everything in and about me is undergoing major construction right now...and a lot of times, it just leaves me a little bit quiet. I'll be back eventually.
Praise the Lord.