Revolution

Recently something came to me...something that I believe with my whole heart was a very much-needed insight from the Lord.

According to what He showed me, I've decided to revolutionize my whole concept of blogging. No, I'm not dillusionally thinking that it's an original concept...far from it! But the Lord has been showing me SO much lately, and He's in the process of bringing me through what I believe has been the deepest, darkest, most emotional time of my entire life. At least, the deepest, darkest emotional time I've ever been in touch with.

When traumatic things happen in a person's life, it is so incredibly easy to just stuff it all down inside and not let yourself be in touch with the reality of what has been done to you. I lived that way for most of my life...and I'm ready to be done with it!
By God's grace, I'm making a total U-turn in every sense of the word -- and in every area.
I've been chugging down the road of denial and pretense...numbness, really...and only recently have I been making the choice to turn wholeheartedly from that way of living, and run breathlessly for Truth and Light.
I've made a lot of stupid mistakes in my life...I've made horrible choices. And so has everybody else.

The sad thing is, the ripple effect of everybody's horrible choices reaches farther than they'd ever know, -- believe me when I say this: I've been bowled over by some pretty big ripples myself.
I know I've sent out some damaging ripples, too. I'm terribly grieved by that...and while I know, inevitably, I will make more bad choices along the journey, now I'm turning to the Lord for help to overcome the enormous pressure all the bad choices puts on me every day. And He is holding me up with His strength.
The awesome part is this -- the more good choices that are made, the easier it becomes to choose the good! How's that for a deal?! :)  The Lord's ways are so incredible!

At any rate...back to my original point: I've decided to revolutionize my whole concept of blogging.

Truth and reality are the ONLY way to go in this life...in every relationship and every dealing...whether we're dealing with ourselves or with others. I've had to learn this lesson the hard way. But finally -- finally -- I'm beginning to learn it. Note that I said beginning..that's the truth! I am just beginning! I'm not very far along...I know for a fact that the Lord has lots of things yet to reveal to me about myself...all the subtle untruths/misleadings I have the tendency to give off without even knowing it. The human mind is SUCH a complicated thing, and it can play the dirtiest tricks on you. Like God says, in Jeremiah 17:9: "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?"
That tells me that no matter how "far along" we think or believe we are on our spiritual journey -- when it really comes down to it, it doesn't matter a hill of beans. We have to be focused on the Lord, and we have to be completely and totally open to His voice speaking to our hearts and convicting us of sin in our lives...or we are never going to get anywhere.
And I'm absolutely not claiming to be, at this time, completely focused on the Lord, completely and totally open to His voice. He's still got a loooooooot of work to do on me, -- BUT my heart's deepest desire IS to be those things. I believe I've come far in a short period of time. But I know I still got a lot of stuff to see.

I'm really thankful for everything He's doing...even when it hurts. I'm really thankful.

Coz if we never go through the fires of affliction, we are never going to glorify God with our lives in any way. And that's what I want to do, from the depths of my heart. And on top of that, we're going to live some kind of zombie pseudo-life with no real depth of meaning or purpose. And what kind of life is that? None.

So all that to say this: I have a lot of heavy things on my heart, and I feel compelled by the Lord to share them. I'm not going to mince words anymore. I'm not going to pretend anything anymore, -- with as much understanding the Lord gives me in the face of each choice.

And no, I'm not going to be blogging only seriousness either. :)

As those that know me personally can testify: I'm big on silly light-heartedness, humor, entertainment, and just downright fun. But life's not all about that, and that's something I'm coming to realize more and more every day. We don't have that much time left...every day there are hundreds of souls pouring in through the gates of hell like sand through a crack.

And that is no laughing matter.

The Lord's principles say that we are responsible for what we see. Well, there are things that I'm seeing that I can't keep to myself any longer...I hear the Lord's call, and I'm ready to respond to it!

Lord, please be with me on this fresh, new journey I'm about to embark on...I need Your strength.
Coz I don't have any of my own.

To My Readers, However Few Or Many They May Be!

Dear Readers of my Blog,

I want to be more faithful with my blogging. I don't like the fact that I'm not, and I'm working on remedying that.

For those of you that saw my blog as it was a few weeks ago, yes, I have changed it again.
I've been going through a lot of...how shall I say it...ups and downs lately, and have been dealing with some really stressful issues -- which, in turn, has caused me to be quite unable to settle on a balanced approach at my blogging.
One thing about me is that I feel very strongly about everything I say. If I say it, I mean it. And so I tried an approach to my writing -- a dark, very serious approach, which is how I was feeling at the time. But as I looked at my blog through objective eyes, I realized it was still yet unbalanced. I do have serious things on my heart, but an "overdose" of dark seriousness could -- at best, defeat the purpose. At worst, it could give people who don't yet know the truth of God's Word a really wrong impression.
Our God is a jealous God, and He is full of truth and reality, and doesn't mince His words. But He is also full of Light and Life -- Love and Creativity. He is the epitome of each of His attributes. And I believe that's how He calls us to live our lives out as well.
So yes, life is dark, heavy and serious -- but not every aspect of it.
Light-heartedness is most certainly not a sin. :)
And I've never felt that way...but in thinking further about the appearance of my blog, I decided that it just might come across that way to some people. And so I changed it. Again.
And I may change it even more in times to come. :)  Ya'll will just have to bear with me...or do without me!

Life is real; life is earnest; and the grave is not its goal.

But truth is.

Love,
Noelle

A quote that spoke to me tremendously, that I felt led to share...

"Morality is first an attitude, a way of viewing the self in relationship to the stimuli that assail us. Morality is the right choice in the face of choices that are immediately more fun. Morality is choosing principle and duty above thrill and laziness. Morality is love of truth; it is a pure heart; it is love, grace, mercy, patience, kindness, hard work, wisdom, faith, joy, thankfulness, and serving others. Morality is not the lack of certain acts of debauchery. It is the heart of God practiced in these bodies of flesh." --Michael Pearl

So --

I don't know what's happened to me.

I used to blog so much...so often...so enthusiastically!

I still want to blog. I think about it quite often...but when I click new post I find myself staring for who knows how long at a blank box. A box with no words. A box with endless possibilities of words...but I just don't know which ones to use.

I am a very communicative person. I want to speak the Truth at all times. And I want to share my heart. I want to open myself up to others, and build relationships.

But then again, I'm also learning to be cautious. Part of this lifelong process of learning is learning how to build relationships -- healthy, blessed relationships that have the potential to last a lifetime. And I'm realizing the way to do that is to not always play all your cards at once.

When a person plays with fire, they get burned. Eventually, they learn that if they keep playing with fire, they keep getting burned. For some, it takes longer to learn this lesson than others. I'm beginning to. Yes, it's taken quite a while. Probably longer than it should have. But what can I say? Sometimes it takes a heck of a lot to get concepts through my thick head.

My heart is scarred.

Everybody's is. Some more than others, some less. I'm know my heart is more whole than a lot of people's. But it's also more damaged than others'. But I'm finally learning to stay away from the flames. At least, the ones that are not mine to be near.

And sometimes I overcompensate, and I don't share enough. Sometimes I still fall into my old patterns and share too much. But I believe, slowly, I'm getting to a point of balance. It's only the Lord's doing -- He gets ALL the credit and the glory. Because if it was just me, I can guarantee I'd do a lot more stupid things than I've already done. Praise the Lord He is faithful, He is true, He is my Shield, and He is my Balm of Gilead. He is LOVE. And I'm thankful beyond measure for that.

So all that to say...yeah, I would love to communicate more here on my little blog. But my heart, my life, my mind, everything in and about me is undergoing major construction right now...and a lot of times, it just leaves me a little bit quiet. I'll be back eventually.

Praise the Lord.

A warm, moonlit evening...

Hi Friends,

I'm going out of town for a couple weeks -- obviously, my posting has been scarce as it is, but it's gonna have to remain scarce for (at least) another two weeks. :S
I will try to resume posting when I get back!

Blessings to you all!

~Noelle

:(

Hi Friends,

I know how sparse my posting has been lately and I really apologize. I'm trying to get back into the swing of frequent blogging -- but sometimes it's difficult...a lot going on in my life at this time. Winter was busy, and this spring is proving even busier. So I'll try to get back into somewhat regular posting...but for now, please just bear with me and be patient :)

Have a blessed week!

I have seen the many faces of fear and of pain
I have watched the tears fall plenty from heartache and strain
So if life’s journey has you weary and afraid
There’s rest in the shadow of his wing.

I have walked through the valleys
the mountains and plains
I have held the hand of freedom that washes all my stains
If you feel weight of many trials ad burdens of this world
There’s freedom in the shelter of the Lord.

I have seen the healing hand of God
Reaching out and mending broken hearts
So taste and see the fullness of his peace
And hold on to what’s being held out
The healing hand of God.

I have touched the scars upon his hands to see if they were real
He has walked the road before me; He knows just how I feel
When you feel that there’s not anyone who understands your pain
Just remember all of Jesus’ suffering.

Cast all your cares on Him for he cares for you
He’s near to the broken and confused
By his stripes our spirit is renewed
So enter in the joy prepared for you...

I have seen the healing hand of God
Reaching out and mending broken hearts
So taste and see the fullness of his peace
And hold on to what’s being held out
The healing hand of God.

--Jeremy Camp

Maintain a healthy level of insanity!

Something to think about in the New Year!

To maintain a healthy level of insanity:

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to Espresso.
5. In the Memo field of all your checks, write "For Marijuana".
6. Skip down the hall rather than walk and see how many looks you get.
7. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
8. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
9. Sing along at the opera.
10. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you have a headache.
11. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won! I won!"
12. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling, "Run for your lives! They're loose!"

And the thirteenth and final way to keep a healthy level of insanity:

Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

Intimate with Jesus

"Once we get intimate with Jesus we are never lonely and we never lack for understanding or compassion. We can continually pour out our hearts to Him without being perceived as overly emotional or pitiful. The Christian who is truly intimate with Jesus will never draw attention to himself but will only show the evidence of a life where Jesus is completely in control. This is the outcome of allowing Jesus to satisfy every area of life to its depth. The picture resulting from such a life is that of the strong, calm balance that our Lord gives to those who are intimate with Him."
--Oswald Chambers

Can I communicate?

Can I communicate? Can I speak my heart, can I share what is pressing? The things that cause my soul to overflow with pain and many tears of grief?

That's a good question. I wonder if I can. Can I put into words the things that ache in my heart? I challenge myself. Can I put them forth in such a way as to communicate their intensity in my innermost being? Can I express myself effectively using our most effete English language?

I want to. I need to. But can I? Can I?

This is the question that haunts me. Taunts me. Defies me, and dares me.

I've posted quite a few videos lately here on my blog -- posting them without a word of explanation or praise or...anything. I realize this, and I hope my silence doesn't communicate a wrong message -- one of harshness and judgement. It's not that. It's a heaviness of heart -- it's a...a season. A season of quietness and learning. The Lord is pruning me and preparing me to be a vessel fit for His use. And it's also a developing burden -- growing bigger and more all-consuming every day.

All the things that I share hold important meaning to me. Special meaning. They hit close to home, and my heart clings to their truths. But sometimes I don't have the correct words to express the concepts, feelings and ideas that they strike in my heart. So, feeling overwhelmed, I share these hard-core truths without explaining how they apply to me (and how I feel they apply to everybody!). Communication is a hard thing when your heart is sorting out tough issues. Especially when these tough issues mean so much.

Does anybody follow what I'm saying? Can anyone relate?

The Vine and the Branches - Paul Washer from I'll Be Honest on Vimeo.