Looking back

Strange. Odd. Eccentric. Extraordinary. Outlandish. Weird.

Okay -- so maybe it wasn't that bad, but...let me try again.

Different; interesting; quiet; introverted; and extroverted; deep -- and yes, strange; odd; eccentric; extraordinary; outlandish; weird.

Yes, yes, to a tee. Right on the money!

That was (okay, so it still is) ME!

Maybe it's just the close of yet another year that's putting me into such a reflective state of mind and heart. "The close of another year!" you say; "Why, this year's just begun!"

Ah, my friend, but you are wrong. Because for me, it's just the beginning! It actually hasn't EVEN begun just quite yet! And no, I'm not speaking of the end of 2008, beginning of 2009. I'm speaking of the end of 13, the beginning of 14.


January 19th, 1995, at 5:11 PM, a baby girl, me!, was born. That's 14 years ago!

Looking back over the past 14 years, I find my head whirling in a barrage of many emotions; I find myself laughing, crying, gritting my teeth, smiling, shaking my head, shrugging my shoulders...........life is so glorious and so hectic both at the same time!

You gotta figure...life can glorious physically (materially; your surroundings; etc.), mentally (new discoveries; 'light-bulb moments'; etc.), emotionally (tears; laughter; joy; sorrow; and all the rest!), and spiritually (growing and learning to walk with God; entering into a literal love-relationship with Him; and again, discoveries; light-bulb moments, etc.!).
Life can also be hectic physically; mentally; emotionally; and spiritually. There is such a range of emotions throughout our lifetimes...have you ever thought about how incredible it is that we can HAVE emotions?? Emotions are such amazing things...they can cause you to will and to act, to love, to hate...they can change your life, for better or for worse. And it's up to each one of us to take responsibility for our OWN emotions, so that it directs the course of our life for BETTER or for WORSE. Which path do you want to travel down? I for one have chosen the BETTER path, by the grace of God! And He promises to sustain us; provide for all of our needs; to give us ALL that we need for life and godliness. Is this an incredible thought or what?!

For whatever reason (I suppose because I'm very much the reflective, pensive, romantic type), the end of another year of my life brings me to a state of deep contemplation. Looking back; remembering both mistakes and successes. How far have I come? How far do I have to go? (And for your information, the answer to both is FAR. :)

Getting in touch with seldom thought-about feelings and memories can be a harrowing, and joyful, experience. Not that I'm the type to stuff my feelings (which can bring about very bad fruit); but sometimes, inevitably, you're just not in touch with everything all the time. And right before a birthday is a time for me in which I am in touch with just about everything!

Birthdays have always been a big deal to me (I'm a very date-oriented person!), but the last few have been a big deal for different reasons. Isn't it a well-known fact that kids love any holiday because it usually means presents, good food, fun, a day off chores, etc.? :) Well, although holidays for me still include presents, good food, fun, etc. (a day off chores? umm, not do-able for me anymore ;), they mean something else now. A time of looking back, and looking ahead.
14?
Wow.
Am I still really young?
Yes.
To somebody in their 60's -- yes, I'm quite a youngster. :)
But thinking back (yes, I have been doing that a lot lately, if you haven't noticed!), I remember how, when I was little, 14 seemed so far away. 14! Oh my goodness! That's ancient! :) It seemed so important, so...so...important!

And now? Well, I'm not sure. I guess we'll just have to see what 14 brings my way. :)